Saturday, August 26, 2006

send lawyers guns and money

Yesterday I had my first successful court appearance, and the only way to express my satisfation is to quote a timeless hymn: "I'm happy, feelin' glad - I got sunshine in a bag."

This is the Orange County court house, back in like, I dunno, the 1400's or something.

My first court appearance was mostly demoralizing. It was, if I may lapse into industry vernacular, an ex parte motion to set a hearing date for a motion on summary judgment. The key words there are "motion to set a hearing date".

The judge was an old lady. Opposing counsel was an old man. And me? Well, with a short haircut and a fresh shave, I look like Sinead O'Connors high school yearbook picture. But fatter. So I didn't command a great deal of respect during the in-chambers conference. Also, the judge starting pressing me on the merits of the summary judgment claim. Which was, to use the legal term, "jacked up" because we were there to discuss a hearing date.

So I lost, but it wasn't a big deal - it was only a date, and I'm perfectly accustomed to screwing those up. And the case ended up getting continued anyway. So it was all for naught. Not? Knot? No - naught.

The second time I made an appearance it was only to sit shotgun and run the projector. That got settled last minute before the jury was empaneled. I tried to mine some humor out of that one, but that's pretty much it.

Number 3 was the notorious (at least out here) blood oath case. Opposing counsel is a generally unpleasant Russian patent attorney. I'm not quite sure how a Russian patent attorney came to represent a Korean guy in an investment loan dispute involving a contract written in blood. I bet that was an interesting intake interview.

So I won. I didn't really do a whole lot. Rick wrote a great opposition brief, and the tentative was in our favor. All I had to do was manage not to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

In other news - I have taken up beach running. Barefoot beach running. I won't say anymore about because if I should happen to give up on it, I don't want to hear any of that, "hey, remember that time you tried to take up beach running?" If nothing else, at least I get some sun and a bit of color. With my rosy cheeks, if I don't get any sun I look like the Michelin Man in drag makeup.