Wednesday, September 06, 2006

yeah, i don't know. it was kind of a long day.

I like Pomona. In Pomona they have real buidlings. Buildings made of brick and stone - like a real town. I'm an O.C. guy at heart, but sometimes the place seems like one giant stucco stripmall. Honestly, people - how many juice shops do you need? They have juice at Albertson's! Why are you paying five dollars for juice?


So I had to drive to Pomona. Be prepared to be awed at my mastery of the LA/OC freeway system. I took the 405 to the 55 to the 5 to the 57 to the 10. Pomona is far. I left at 6am, and was driving against traffic (which means that the general flow of traffic was going the other way) and it still took me an hour.

An hour!

Anyway, the experience was largely uneventful. I am here before you this day to voice my ruminations on an enlightenment which was bestoweth upon me a while back. This enlightment is thus: The reason mayonnaise sucks so bad is because it is the antithesis of coffee.

Coffee is great and glorious. Mayonnaise is this... I dunno... "food" kinda substance. I cannot think of what would have paved the way for the genesis of mayonnaise.

"Hmm... this sandwich is a little dry. It needs something... maybe some blubbery tasteless ooze, perhaps?"

Who wouldn't rather just have a dry sandwich? I'm pretty sure that cat litter would make a better condiment that mayonnaise. And I'm not totally convinced that cat litter is not somehow included in the mayonnaise formation process.

But coffee, besides the obvious diametric opposition in the respective wavelengths of the electromagnetic radiation that is reflected from them, is faithful and just. Warm and soothing. Coffee embodies everything that is good about life. I drink it in the morning and afternoon. I drink it before I go to bed. I drink it before I brush my teeth. I drink it after I brush my teeth. I drink it in the shower. I drink it when I'm on the phone with Sandy. I drink it during church and during my quiet time.

The Hoov, coffee is a legal drug - maybe you have an addiction to it.

That is absurd. Coffee has no negative properties. Like penguins. They have no natural predators, which is why it would be ideal to be a penguin. I know that crazy penguin movie from last summer likes to pedal their propoganda about penguins being chased by leopard seals - but that is false. I used to really like penguins. A lot. But ever since that movie came out, it's like everybody in town likes penguins. So I'm thinkin' that tree kanagroos are kinda money.

That guy is up to something magical. Probably brewin' a cuppa joe. Just look at those eyes - he is hopped-up on some choice Costa Rican bean. Isn't mayonnaise made from horses?

That would be glue.

Oh. Right. Well, still.