Wednesday, September 27, 2006

santa monna cocoa lavar

So, what did you guys do last night? That's cool. Me? Not much. Just hung out with Sophia Coppola. She was on hand to introduce a screening of her new movie at the Aero Theatre in Santa Monica. A magical evening, indeed.

I was afraid that I wasn't going to make it to the event, since I had a mediation in L.A. scheduled right up until the start time. Luckily, everyone seemed to reach a silent consensus that it was a big court-ordered waste o' time, and everybody took off.

Although I must concede that it was an interesting process. The highlight of the evening was this labor law expert guy that opposing counsel somehow got to show up for the evening. This guy is the reason people hate lawyers. I felt icky just talking to him, and being in the same profession with him kinda makes me want to drill out my frontal lobe and find a job sorting recyclables.

The guy didn't even take part in the first hour and a half of discussion with the mediator. He stood outside the conference room, talking on his cell phone, with the obligatory wireless earpiece. Nothing too wrong with that, granted. But there was an oval shaped mirror on the wall, and he stood about 4 inches in front of it the whole time, mussing with his hair, picking at a blemish on his chin, stroking his stubble, smoothing his eyebrows - all while slathering his listener with verbal snake oil via Bluetooth.

And the conference room has glass walls. So we all got to witness the Narcissus-at-law primp himself for more than an hour.

So then the mediator makes all of the lawyers go into one room and talk about the prospects of settlement. Finally, we got to witness Johnny Coolguy, Esquire go to work.

"Well, I do labor law for a living, and you guys would be lucky to get out of trial with less than a 50 bajillion dollar verdict and the judge will probably sanction your mothers and kill your dogs and we'll probably recover attorney fees equal to 674% of the judgment and I do labor law for a living, and I'm really trying to help you guys out here, you should listen to me I do labor law for a living. Mostly Chinese restaurants".

Luckily, counsel for co-defendant chimed in tersely:

"You're not in a Chinese restaurant, buddy. It's an old man in a nursing home and he's broke. Better re-work your numbers."

So that was fun. Also of note - one of the other defendants is a strangely attractive middle-age broad. Ya see, I like my women how I like my coffee: dark and bitter. And this dame was both. Nonetheless, I was caught a bit off guard when she winked at me. But I suppose it was the perfect contrast to the scowl I got from her husband, sitting right next to her. Now that guy is dark. I drew a picture of him on a notecard. Maybe I'll post it. Nah, that would probably waive privilege.