Tuesday, August 30, 2005

what's new hoov?

Well, for one thing, about 17 pounds.

Yes, the sedentary lifestyle brought about by a couple of nagging injuries during the spring and then the Bar exam this summer, combined with the Bar exam diet of Panda Express and Del Taco has ensured that I won't be landing any Men's Health covers any time soon.

I really wasn't too concerned about it. I plan on dropping it again, of course, but most of my insecurity was focused on my hair, which started falling out about two weeks into Bar studying. It didn't completely fall out, but a folicular cul de sac was clearly under development.

But the hair is about 85% grown back, and now I am chiefly concerned about my morbid obesity, which was painfully and awkwardly brought to my attention on Sunday. After the conclusion of a delightful service at Seabreeze, I was making my egress to the parking lot. At this time, passing me on the other side of the hall, was a certain female with whom I had brief romantic involvement last summer. I offered a cordial greeting. And in return?

She leaned in and patted my belly.

First of all, what is the past tense of "pat"? Would it be patted or just pat? Secondly, who does that? I am not a leprechaun, nor am I a dough-boy, so greeting me does not require patting, or rubbing, or poking of any kind. Thirdly, does that count as second base?

If I went around patting people in the areas of their most obvious physical short-comings and probable sources of insecurity, I would probably find myself not well received in most social contexts. Maybe I'll have to do exactly that to this particular girl, who due to her "athletic" build, would probably find such touchings to be not at all appropriate for a church hallway.

Kidding, totally kidding.

Well, now that I think about it... hmm...

Yeah, totally kidding.