Tuesday, January 17, 2006

special report: the golden globe awards are a sham

How do I know this?

Transporter 2 did not win any awards.

Transporter 2 is the best movie ever made. One time I saw a movie that was better than Transporter 2 but it turns out that it was just Transporter 3 and I was dreaming.

Transporter 2 is so awesome that it makes Chuck Norris cry because he realizes that no matter how awesome he may be, he has never beat up someone while trapped in the submerged fuselage of an airplane, nor has he ever chased down a bus on a jet ski. Transporter 2 is the movie that Mel Gibson was trying to make when he made The Passion.

I plan to marry Transporter 2. If it will have me.

I do not care about Johnny Cash. I care more about Johnny Cage. That would have made a much better movie, but still not as good as Transporter 2. I have it on laserdisc.