Thursday, January 13, 2005

just not that into webdate

An interesting conversation:

"Want to go to lunch?"

"Can't. I have Conflicts."

"... What kind of conflicts?"

"I dunno... state laws and stuff I guess."

"State laws won't let you go to lunch?"

"What? No - I have Conflicts."

"With state laws?"

"I guess. I haven't been yet."

"To what?


Yeah, so Conflicts is the common shorthand for Conflicts of Law, a class I'm taking this semester. I foresee many more "Who's-On-First" dialouges to follow throughout the semester.

* * * * *

This piece of wisdom from Lee "The Sequel" Horn was too good not to share:

I propose we re-write the book and the title shall be I'm Not That Into You Because You Needed a Book to Figure It Out in the First Place. I'm not sure how that will fit on the cover but we'll make it work.

No. I haven't read the book to which he is referring. First of all, I'm a dude. Second of all, one of my blogging idols, Real Live Preacher had this to say about the book that shall not be named:

This book has nothing in it. It has nothing important to say and adds nothing to the world. Nothing.

I quote these two great sages to squash the rumor that I not only have read this book, but that I loved it, and that I am actively recommending it to other people. That's just dumb.

* * * * *

And while we're on the subject of me and rumors...

Ok, Seriously. Who signed me up for WebDate? I continue to get Instant Messages from females who are under the impression that I am on WebDate and that my "pic" is "cute".

As much as I like having 18 year-olds with suggestive screen names IM'ing me wanting to "get to know" me, I am a student of the law and a leader in the church and therefore I cannot let it be publicly known that I like having 18 year-olds with suggestive screen names IM'ing me.

But you have to be very careful when you discuss your, how shall we say, "lack of willingness to be signed up for an online dating service". You can't just come out and say, "I didn't sign up for that noise, somebody's clownin''". You can't at all suggest that you've been signed up as a practical joke. Because the person to whom you're speaking has obviously signed up quite willingly.

So if you say that you didn't sign up for WebDate, and that you were signed up as a joke, that's inferrentially insulting the girl who may or may not still be in high school. You're essentially saying that being on Webdate is something that is manifestly undesirous, and that it is so characteristically bad that some malevolent prankster has done this as a means of tormenting you.

So ChrisA and I took it upon ourselves to do a search in WebDate for males in my zip code between the ages of 20 and 25. The results were astonishing. We didn't find me, but we found a lot of guys who were not only very muscular, but also very well-coifed. I asked the obvious: why can't a guy that buff and good looking not find a date the normal way (bars and/or church)? ChrisA thinks maybe they don't have the time because they devote so much of it to working out and doing their hair.

Also astonishing: I saw the brother of a friend of mine on there. Which was weird. But of course, I can't tell anyone about this. A) It would be astoundingly rude. B) How do you go about telling someone that? "Hey, so I was looking at pictures of dudes on WebDate the other day, and... uh... nevermind."

So whoever you are: Please take me off of WebDate. You're hurtin' feelings.