i apologize for further negativity

Attention ladies:

Stop trying to wear ties. Do not wear them as belts. Do not wear them as headbands. Do not use them as straps for your purse and/or shoulder bag. Do not try and wear one as a tie (you do not know how to tie them - it takes years of practice and a Y chromosome).

I know you are jealous because they come in so many colors and patterns and fabrics, and you're really into that sort of thing. But you have no part in them. They belong to us.

You look silly. Stop it.