Friday, September 03, 2004

w not so bad

Today I was humored and enlightened to stumble across a webpage that lists and briefly describes all of the candidates in the U.S. Presidential election. Or at least like, 15 of them. You know, the "Big 15" as they're called all over CNN.

1. The point is, you could do a lot worse than voting for Bush for president. Assuming of course that you have suffered some sort of head injury and were planning on voting for him in the first place.

2. The point is, you could do a lot worse than voting for Kerry for president. Assuming of course that you are buying stock in a flag company because you're praying to Allah for more terrorist attacks and were planning on voting for him in the first place.

There. Now that I've been equilaterally jerky, you can proceed to get your learn on:

Roger Calero, Social Workers Party

"Calero is legally ineligible to serve as President of the US because he is not a US citizen himself. His running mate, Arrin Hawkins, is also ineligible to serve as Vice-President as she is only 24, well below the legally required age of 35. However, there is nothing in the Constitution that says they cannot run for elective office, especially as they have no chance of winning.

Calero was born in Nicaragua and moved to the US in 1985. He was convicted of selling marijuana in 1988, and the government attempted to deport him but failed."

Charles Jay, Personal Choice Party

"This is an unusual political party, to say the least. Jay is heavily involved in boxing and gambling. He's the publisher of a sports gambling Website. Taylor, his running mate, is a well-known pornography movie star and owner of a gun shop.

It may come as no surprise then that their principal positions include: Legalizing gambling nationwide, abandoning all restrictions on firearms ownership, opposing government involvement in most private ethical issues, from gay marriage, to abortion or euthanasia and strongly supporting civil liberties."

John Parker, Workers World Party

"This is a straight-forward Stalinist-style communist party, favoring direct action over democratic elections. The party is pro-North Korea and pro-Cuba and anti-capitalist. When Russia was communist, the party mostly served as an overseas arm of the Soviet government."

Leonard Peltier, Peace and Freedom Party

"Peltier is a Native American, currently serving a life sentence in an American prison for the murder of two FBI agents on an Indian Reservation in South Dakota in 1975 . . . Peltier appears to be running for President, along with Barry Bachrach, his defense attorney, primarily to gain publicity for his personal situation. His campaign Website does not take positions on any major political issues.

Amnesty International considers Peltier a political prisoner."

As for me and my house, we'll be voting for the legalized gambling guy.