Tuesday, August 21, 2007

in which desserts are discussed further

It would seem that you palateless misanthropes did not enjoy my ice cream cake post. Nonetheless, I must now discuss cupcakes.

In particular, the red velvet cupcakes that Martha is mailing me. I suppose that red-themed desserts, and my receipt thereof, were floating out there in the zeitgeist, which prompted me to dream about them thusly. Apparently, while this drama was unfolding deep in the recesses of my unconscious mind, Martha was preparing to send me cupcakes as a gesture of goodwill upon this, the twenty-and-seventh anniversary of my earthly genesis.

Of course, to call these creations cupcakes is to pay undue compliment to the fungal-shaped confections we have come to recognize under that monicker. Indeed, as those of you who have been on the business end of Martha's culinary kung-fu will concede, when Martha sets out to make a cupcake, it is no mere fling between Betty Crocker and a muffin tin. They are artisanal, weapons-grade cupcakes. My father bore witness to this process, and thinks them to be a very appropriate birthday gift, seeing as how it only took slightly more time and effort to bring these cupcakes into the world than it did me.

I have had occasion to consume one of those boutique cupcakes from an uber-trendy cupcakery, the likes of which have been leavened throughout metropolitan areas as of late. (e.g., Sprinkles, Magnolia Bakery). No doubt that these "cupcakes" will seem like briquettes of mediocrity when held against the splendor of my birthday cupcakes.

Also, I am old.

The peoples be askin' me: Hoov, how are you gonna party on your birthday? Like a rockstar, perhaps? No - like a folkstar! Which is to say, not really at all.

Because everyone ditched me on my birthday, and at this point, my crew is spread out between Montana and Cabo. The Kings are on a Mexican cruise right now, leaving me to celebrate my birthday with wild and raucous dog and bunny sitting. At first I consoled myself in this by insisting that the cruise was actually taken in honor of me, but I was unable to go, because tragicomic antiheroes such as myself do not go on cruises. Jack Bauer does not go on cruises.

But that didn't last too long, because you know what's really really awesome? Living in a house full of people about to go on a cruise, and you're not going! It's so rad. But, I did just get back from Hawaii. So as my thugged-out homeboy 4 life Seth would say: "Hey Hoov, you know what you should do? Stop being a wuss."

And Thad and Rhonda left me a thoroughly awesome birthday present - fat gift cards to Barnes & Noble and that coffee place that is usually attached thereto. I used it to buy this geeky gem. So cruise away guys, I'll be pouring over this book - because I've always wanted to know... what really happened in Baker v. Carr?

Alright, I'm off to my birthday weekly associate meeting, followed by a birthday eye doctor appointment. And you most assuredly cannot have any cupcakes.